Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Having Twitter is like reading the newspaper, but instead of news, it's a chaotic bonfire of opinions where the writers are just waiting to roast you 🔥📰😅 #TwitterverseDrama"

news, newspaper, reading, social media, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

77 shares on X this month:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Spotted on YouTube:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Just landed via Twitch:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Going viral on Instagram:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨