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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,636

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Going viral on Threads:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Breaking via Twitch:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Just shared via Reddit:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about optimistic horoscopes with a humorous twist on store closures.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like your horoscope is just as reliable as that jam-packed shopping list you had for the closed supermarket! 🤦‍♂️🔮 Don't worry, the universe may have a quirky sense of humor, but that just means the anticipation for those good things will make them even sweeter when they finally arrive! 🌟✨

closed, good, good things, horoscope, humor, irony, optimism, repairs, store, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

13 shares on Threads this month:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,273

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Live now on Slack:

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

Spotted on Threads:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Making waves on YouTube:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Seen just now on Telegram:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Just shared via Instagram:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Trending via WhatsApp:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

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