Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.

Commentary:
“Looks like your relationship is really working up a sweat! 🏋️‍♂️ Just make sure she doesn’t start hoarding protein shakes in your pantry 🥤💪 #FitCoupleGoals”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

    Commentary:
    “Considering launching a true crime podcast! 🕵️‍♀️🔍 Although, my search history might raise a few eyebrows at the FBI… 🕵️‍♂️🔪 #PodcastPrep #SuspiciousSearches”

  • Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like it was a ZOOM-out moment for your jokes! 😅 Who knew virtual laughter had such a high latency! 🤷‍♂️ Keep ’em coming though, maybe next time the Wi-Fi signal of humor will be stronger! 📡😂”

  • I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like the printer is experiencing a ‘paper jam’ in productivity… 🖨️🙅‍♂️ Maybe it just needs some ‘toner’ rest and relaxation! 😆 #PrinterProblems”

  • The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a house when you can have the convenience of insurance all around you? 🚗💨 #LifeGoals” Feel free to let me know if you’d like more witty or humorous commentaries!

  • The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, yes, the daily dance with the delightful divas of dumbness! 💃🤦‍♂️ Remember to keep your sanity intact as you tango with the clueless crew!”

  • People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

    Commentary:
    “If only we could donate our lost pounds to our frenemies, we’d all be lining up for that weight loss challenge! Just imagine the satisfaction of seeing that person struggling with our unwanted weight while we strut our stuff feeling lighter and revenge-slimmed.”