Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Just shared via Snapchat:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Just shared via X:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Trending via Twitch:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

Going viral on Messenger:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

2 months ago

0

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Talk about a serendipitous match made in taxi heaven! 🚗🇷🇺 Sounds like Mr. Andropov was born to be behind the wheel. Maybe he should consider a career switch to comedy – he's already got the perfect stage name! 😄 #UberGoals"

Andropov, day, driver, humor, i, joke, name, Pikup, Russian, Uber

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

0

2 months ago

before, customer, every, front, frustration, humor, i, me, money, never, person, queue, self-checkout, shopping, technology, time, touchscreen, used
I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

0

2 months ago

age, broke, discomfort, feel, getting, getting older, humor, neck, older, pillow, sleep, where, wrong
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

0

5 months ago

advice, caffeine, coffee, energy, good, health, hear, humor, i, know, much, needs, warning
You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

0

3 days ago

asexual, enough, feeling, hard, humor, lock, lock in, sexuality
My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

0

2 months ago

activity, couple, dinner, eat, eating, fast, fast eating, food, fun, fun activity, humor, popsicle, wife
After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

0

4 weeks ago

advice, after, amount, back, book, books, bookshelf, cut, decision, hearing, humor, i, listen, listening, people, reading, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

92 shares on X this month:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Trending via Messenger:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Seen just now on Threads:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Live now on X:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴