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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,314

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Live now on Threads:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Going bananas on WeChat:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Just shared via Threads:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Going viral on Slack:

I wish men had sluttier outfit options. Because why am I in a mini skirt, and you’re in a quarter zip?

Seen just now on Telegram:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Shared recently on Threads:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a garden when you have a shower terrarium?! 🌿🚿 Just add some rubber ducks and call it a spa day!"

cleaning, gorgeous, home, humor, i, maintenance, procrastination, shower, terrarium

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

0

2 months ago

argue, compliment, confidence, curly, curly hair, flattery, gorgeous, guy, hair, humor
We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

0

2 months ago

both, connection, humor, i, insane, online, relationship, think, web, work
I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

0

2 months ago

activity, aspiration, books, career, dream, dream job, figures, fun, fun activity, got, i, job, leisure, paid, park, reading, relaxation, six, six figures, wish
I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth
I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, forward, full, getting, hours, humor, looking, night, overthinking, procrastination, relaxation, sleep
In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

0

2 months ago

boxing, Boxing Day, court, day, defense, holiday, honor, humor, joke, misunderstanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Messenger this month:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

28 shares on WeChat this month:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

10 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m perverted, but in an elegant and whimsical way.

Just landed via YouTube:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Making waves on Discord:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Just landed via Twitch:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Seen just now on Threads:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Just shared via Slack:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Spotted on Twitch:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Going viral on Messenger:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨