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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,387

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Trending via Reddit:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Just landed via YouTube:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Making waves on YouTube:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

0
I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a garden when you have a shower terrarium?! 🌿🚿 Just add some rubber ducks and call it a spa day!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

33 shares on Threads this month:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

57 shares on X this month:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am thick and tired.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

38 shares on Discord this month:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,343

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Making waves on Threads:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Going viral on Slack:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Live now on Threads:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Trending via Facebook:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Spotted on Instagram:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Just landed via Pinterest:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Going viral on TikTok:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

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