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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Breaking via WeChat:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Making waves on Telegram:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Just landed via Messenger:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Just shared via TikTok:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

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I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.
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Commentary:
🚨 Breaking News Alert! 🚨 Just in: someone ordered a life alert bracelet… but not to alert for emergencies, oh no! This person is so prepared that they're getting ready for the life they *might* have someday. 😂 Who knows, maybe that bracelet will go off with confetti and cheers when the day finally comes! 🎉 #LivingMyBestAlarmistLife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Instagram this month:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

15 shares on Reddit this month:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

73 shares on X this month:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

87 shares on X this month:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Just landed via Reddit:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Spotted on Twitch:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Making waves on Facebook:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

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