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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

I donโ€™t know whatโ€™s more funโ€”grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriendโ€™s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Just landed via Twitch:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, Iโ€™m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sometimes people come into your life โ€” and they need to stop doing that.

Making waves on Telegram:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Just landed via Messenger:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when youโ€™re alive.

Just shared via Discord:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Witty text about someone jokingly needing jail to catch up on reading.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone's TBR pile is so massive, they need a stint in jail just to make a dent! ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ”’ Just imagine cozying up in a cell with a good book – now that's bookworm dedication! ๐Ÿ“–๐Ÿ˜‚"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Social Media Stars โญ

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

98 shares on YouTube this month:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

98 shares on YouTube this month:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say sheโ€™s been working longer than Iโ€™ve been alive.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancรฉe by, every time they mention Paris, saying, โ€œthatโ€™s where Ratatouille livedโ€.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Every time I blink, itโ€™s Monday again. I canโ€™t live like this.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said โ€œeww what a horrible way to liveโ€

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Somebody should market a beer called โ€œOccasionallyโ€. So when asked, I can say, โ€œI only drink occasionallyโ€.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œIโ€™m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.โ€

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I donโ€™t understand people who forget to eat. Iโ€™m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฝ has viewed:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has downloaded:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

New challenge called โ€œdonโ€™t say โ€˜wow itโ€™s already dark by five these daysโ€™ for the rest of winterโ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

1994: I canโ€™t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has bookmarked:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Live now on Telegram:

Who needs a period calendar when I know Iโ€™ll have it when Iโ€™m crying over nonsense things.

Live now on TikTok:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesnโ€™t see the double chin.

Spotted on WeChat:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Live now on Threads:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Freshly posted on X:

My bearโ€™s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says heโ€™s getting better but heโ€™s not out of the woods yet.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Shared recently on Discord:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

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