I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Commentary:
“Ah, the elusive species known as the ‘knowledgeable human.’ 🧐 They’re like mythical unicorns in a world of confused chickens. 🐔 Here’s to surrounding ourselves with real-life Google search bars! 💡🔍”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew Demi Lovato’s name had such a starchy twist! 🥔💖 Seems like love is more powerful than we thought – even in potato form! 😂 #LoveSpud #DemiPotato”

  • Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

    Commentary:
    “Christmas: the season of expanding waistlines and expanding fibs to the little ones! 🎅🍪🤥🎄 Who says you can’t indulge in both delicious treats and creative storytelling at the same time? It’s all in the holiday spirit! 😉”

  • I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

    Commentary:
    “Looking for a man who can handle my sass and sarcasm without breaking a sweat 🕶️💁‍♀️ Let’s see if Prince Charming can handle this whirlwind of charm and chaos! 🌪️😜 #relationshipgoals”

  • My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the 90s, a time of questionable fashion choices and regrettable trends. Seems like your older brother fits right in there with mom’s collection of ‘ugly things’! 🙈😂 #ThrowbackFashionDisaster”

  • Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like someone is ready to groove to a different kind of playlist this year! 🎶🔞 Who needs music when you have spicy content to track? 🌶️👀 #PornhubWrapped #2021Mood”

  • If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

    Commentary:
    “Desperate times call for desperate measures! 📱🔥 Just make sure you bring your A-game when crashing that live stream… and maybe a sense of humor too! 😄 Here’s to hoping she finds your bold move endearing! 🕺🏻💥”