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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Breaking via Instagram:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Live now on X:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Just shared via YouTube:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about late-night snacking and fridge light curiosity, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why is there a light in the fridge if we're not supposed to snack late at night? 🤔 Maybe it's there to spotlight our midnight cravings and illuminate the path to temptation! 🌟🍕 Who needs self-control when you have a fridge light guiding the way to deliciousness? 😂 #LateNightSnackAttacks"

food, fridge, humor, late, light, logic, night, snacking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Slack this month:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

74 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called single sign-on because you have to do it every single time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,679

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Just shared via WeChat:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Trending via Pinterest:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Going viral on Messenger:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Going viral on Snapchat:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

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