Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Seen just now on Telegram:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Making waves on Threads:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Making waves on Discord:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, I only reserve the title 'daddy' for serious retail negotiations 💰🛍️ #RetailTherapyGoals"

asking, calling, daddy, humor, mall, money, relationship, shopping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

0

2 months ago

humor, me, percentage, personality, self-deprecation, water
An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

0

2 months ago

adult, age, humor, life, noise, person, stand
All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

0

2 months ago

back, balcony, communication, country, decisions, fact, humor, i, people, speak, wrong
My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, dumb, fat, humor, image, intelligence, IQ, sarcasm, self-deprecating, used, weight
Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

0

2 months ago

considerate, even, evil, humor, most, personality, sarcasm
Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, family, hungry, kids, life, outdoor, outdoor activity, play, send, six, village, village life

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Threads this month:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

96 shares on Discord this month:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Making waves on Messenger:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

Spotted on Threads:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Seen just now on TikTok:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

Just shared via Instagram:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨