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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Can’t believe we stayed up and screamed “Happy New Year” for this shit.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,923

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Just shared via Reddit:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Shared recently on Slack:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Making waves on Reddit:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Shared recently on Slack:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

2 months ago

0

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When it comes to social media validation, the struggle is real! 😂👏 Who knew the difference between 3 likes and 10 could be so significant? Remember, it's all about maximizing that digital clout, one like at a time! 📱💥 #DoItForTheDoubleDigits

attention, here, humiliation, joke, likes, media, myself, self-esteem, social, social media, validation, worth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

0

2 months ago

delivery, gift, gift to self, humor, i, joy, love, me, online, online shopping, present, self, self-gift, shopping, shopping joy, surprises, things
Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

0

1 month ago

breakfast, disgusting, eating, filling, food, healthy, healthy eating, high, high protein, only, plain, powder, protein, protein powder, taste, yogurt
“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

0

3 months ago

advice, always, before, die, drug, drugs, humor, life, life advice, never, physics, quantum, quantum physics, sex, try, try it all
Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

0

2 months ago

attention, cost, financial, humor, i, joke, pay, poor, self-deprecation, sorry, witty
My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

0

2 months ago

attachment, i, last, lover, morning, night, phone, relationship, routine, technology, thing, wake
At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

0

2 months ago

attempt, honesty, humor, i, irony, least, say, self-deprecation, tried, try

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

27 shares on Threads this month:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,759

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Teens don’t know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Just landed via YouTube:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Live now on WeChat:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

Just landed via WeChat:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Trending via Discord:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Spotted on Threads:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

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