Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.