“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

27 shares on Discord this month:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

44 shares on Threads this month:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.