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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

9 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Making waves on Facebook:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Live now on Messenger:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Spotted on Snapchat:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Going viral on Snapchat:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Reported on Messenger:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Spotted on Threads:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Just shared via Facebook:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Spotted on Discord:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

6 months ago

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare and mysterious phenomenon of 'family time' emerges when the Internet takes a vacation! 😂 Who knew that bunch you live with are actually halfway decent humans? 🤔 Maybe the Wi-Fi outage was a blessing in disguise after all! 🌐👨‍👩‍👦"

family, funny situation, good, good people, humor, i, internet, last, night, people, situation, spent, time, time spent, working

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

9 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Making waves on Slack:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Reported on TikTok:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Shared recently on X:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Making waves on Telegram:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Just landed via Discord:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

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