Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.
  • Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.
  • The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.
  • I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.
  • I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.
  • I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.