Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,471

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Just landed via Telegram:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Seen just now on Discord:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Going viral on TikTok:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Just landed via WeChat:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Because who has time for safe ejecting when there's a whole world to conquer? 💥😎 #LivingDangerously"

convenience, drive, humor, life, procrastination, risk, safety, short, shortness, technology, USB, USB drive

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

0

4 months ago

anyone, dating, fall, humor, love, relationship, rent, romance, roommate, want
Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

0

2 months ago

alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor
Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

0

2 months ago

call, came, humor, i, joke, paradox, time, time traveler, today, traveler, yesterday
I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

0

2 months ago

balance, dilemma, humor, i, lifestyle, live, money, need, priorities, save, saving, spending
Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

0

2 months ago

complain, complaint, course, every, humor, manufacture, manufacturer, marriage, mother-in-law, quarrel, relationship, right, wife
There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

0

2 months ago

another, fencing, guys, humorous, joke, kiss, kissing, playful, romantic, should, sport, trying, variant

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

81 shares on X this month:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

34 shares on Discord this month:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Spotted on Facebook:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Spotted on Facebook:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Live now on Reddit:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Breaking via Reddit:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Trending via WeChat:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Life is weird and then you die.

Just landed via WeChat:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨