Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.
  • If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?
  • I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
  • Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.
  • How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?
  • I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.