My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

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Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

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“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

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Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

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I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

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One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

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At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

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Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

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The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

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I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.