Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

My Saturday was going really well, until I realized it’s Sunday!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Just landed via Discord:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Going viral on YouTube:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Spotted on TikTok:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Going viral on Telegram:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Going bananas on Discord:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

2 months ago

0

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the perils of literacy! 📚🤦‍♂️ Who knew that mastering the ABCs could lead to such chaos and calamity? Farewell, blissful ignorance; hello, endless bookshelves of doom! 📖😅 Remember, it's all fun and games until you discover the labyrinth that is the English language! Best of luck navigating the treacherous waters of reading! 🌊🔍

drama, education, humor, irony, learning, life, read, reading, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

0

2 months ago

aging, change, cleaner, excited, excitement, fun, humor, minute, new, next, vacuum, vacuum cleaner, young, youth
I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, fitness, gene, humor, i, image, self-improvement, skinny, skinny gene, wish
I used to have a great future in my past.

0

2 months ago

future, great, humor, humorist, i, irony, past, reflection, retrospective, used
Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

0

2 months ago

attitude, born, coming, conflict, forced, hater, humor, irony, personality, perspective, understand, understanding, where
If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

0

2 months ago

belief, humor, joke, magic, me, money, payment, put, rid, scam, send, someone, spell, think
If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

0

2 months ago

compass, confusion, direction, humor, i, irony, lost, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

61 shares on X this month:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

55 shares on X this month:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,254

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Seen just now on WeChat:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Just landed via Facebook:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Just landed via Facebook:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Just landed via Messenger:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴