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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Live now on TikTok:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Going viral on Pinterest:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Just landed via Messenger:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Trending via WhatsApp:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Going viral on Messenger:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Spotted on Reddit:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Spotted on Reddit:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

2 months ago

0

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic dilemma of the modern dating world! 🤔 Who knew 'situationships' could be so complex? Are you playing the commitment dodgeball or rocking the low self-worth tango? Either way, it takes two to tango in the land of blurred lines! 💃🕺"

commitment, commitment issue, dating, humor, issue, issues, love, low, oh, relationship, sarcasm, self-worth, situationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

0

2 months ago

app, apps, best, communication, dating, dating app, good, humor, media, meeting, place, social, social media, soulmate, tweet
I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

0

2 months ago

diet, drink, fish, house, humor, irony, lifestyle, love, vegan, water
Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

0

3 months ago

back, cave, chain, human, humans, humor, illusion, media, philosophy, plato’s, Plato’s cave, social, social media, technology
To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

0

4 months ago

bag, basket, bird, birds, bite, bite hand, box, bridge, bridges, burn, burn bridge, cat, egg, eggs, feeds, fire, hand, ice, idiom, inside, kill, let, list, me, play, put, stone, thin, think, to-do, to-do list, walk
Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

0

4 months ago

again, application, company, decide, done, got, humor, i, job, job application, job rejection, persistence, post, rejection, same, sarcasm, saw
If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

0

2 months ago

account, Airbnb, behavior, doing, humor, media, mischief, out-of-character, personality, rent, rental, social, social media, wild, wild behavior

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There are people who have a favourite colour, and there are people whose favourite colour is purple. These are very different things. Purple fans are different creatures.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,653

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

Going bananas on Threads:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Just shared via Twitch:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Trending via Messenger:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Live now on Twitch:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

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