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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,237

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Trending via X:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Making waves on Slack:

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Making waves on Messenger:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Spotted on Discord:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Seen just now on Instagram:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Spotted on Pinterest:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

2 months ago

0

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic parental food paradox – a culinary rollercoaster ride! 🎢🍽️ Is it a trap? A test? Who knows! Just remember, parental love comes in mysterious (and sometimes contradictory) packages. Enjoy the food journey, my friends! 😄🥘 #ParentalFoodWisdom

chubby, contradictions, dynamics, eat, eating, family, family dynamics, food, guilt, humor, less, little, parents, say

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

0

2 months ago

bizarre, constipation, doctor, dragon, drug, drug experience, experience, hallucination, humor, i, LSD, myself, prescription, saw, shit, sure, surreal, unexpected, why
As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

0

2 months ago

clerk, customer, everything, humor, interaction, leave, people, retail, sales, sales clerk, shout, store, sure, touch, want
I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

0

5 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, frustration, humor, i, need, patience, runs, technology, tracking, watch
The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

0

2 months ago

behavior, best, forever, humor, media, observer, online, online behavior, social, social media, Twitter
I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

0

2 months ago

am, ambition, body, done, humor, i, laziness, motivation, naps, person, productivity, sleep, struggle, take, times, trapped
Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

0

3 months ago

actually, entertainment, hear, humor, increase, keep, me, movie, price, price increase, prices, service, streaming, streaming service, subscription, want, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Slack this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

54 shares on X this month:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Spotted on Discord:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Trending via WeChat:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just shared via Threads:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Just shared via YouTube:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

Spotted on TikTok:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

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