Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah-choo! Who needs a pat on the back for that sneeze? 🤧💥 Looks like someone graduated to dad sneeze level! 👨🏻‍🦰👶🏻 Better get ready for some ‘bless you’s’ coming your way! 🤣"

dad, exaggeration, hard, humor, i, loud, parenting, sneeze, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

0

2 months ago

bonus, dating, God, humor, lady, making, man, media, noise, relationship, silence, social, social media
I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, awkwardness, fact, fun, fun fact, humor, i, introvert, myself, ocean, people, self-deprecation, social, social anxiety, tell, walk
Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

0

2 months ago

again, alcohol, humor, liver, nightlife, party, pay, poor, regrets, tonight, week, wrong
Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

0

2 months ago

bad, bowl, candy, diet, Halloween, health, humor, salad, sweet, treat, trick, trick or treat
I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

0

2 months ago

aggressive, awkwardness, communication, creepy, humor, i, nothing, please, relationship, respond
Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

0

2 months ago

account, business, days, frustration, humor, money, refund, take, time, wait

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

86 shares on Reddit this month:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

14 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Just landed via Discord:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Just shared via Telegram:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Just shared via Facebook:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Live now on LinkedIn:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨