KNOXVILLE—In an astonishing revelation, sleep scientist Dr. Helen Width has confirmed that the most cherished moment of waking up is, in fact, declaring war on the alarm clock. “Our research shows that many prefer morning battles against their snooze button over caffeine,” said Dr. Width, as test subjects repeatedly shouted, ‘Let me sleep!’

Surveyed participants expressed minimal enthusiasm for dawn, with 95% rating their bed as “better than breakfast.” “The sun can take a rain check,” stated groggy enthusiast Matt Barnes, also suggesting black-out curtains should come standard in every home. The alarming data indicates renewed interest in perpetual naps.

In light of these findings, manufacturers have begun developing advanced alarms featuring catapult mechanisms to keep offenders in bed. “Waking up is overhyped,” exclaimed tech innovator Paige Slumber, showing off an innovative sleep pod equipped with drone-delivered morning coffee. “In the future, we will nap forever—ideally by 10 a.m.”