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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Shared recently on Twitch:

My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Making waves on Threads:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about ignoring an umbrella, highlighting humor over practicality.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Someone tell that umbrella it's raining on the wrong parade! 🍹☔️😂 #DrinkProblems"

bro, context, drink, humor, little, umbrella, unnecessary, wet

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69 shares on X this month:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

28 shares on Slack this month:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

27 shares on X this month:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

76 shares on X this month:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Spotted on Discord:

Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Seen just now on Threads:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Making waves on X:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Just landed via X:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Imagine being social on social media.

Spotted on Twitch:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

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Activity Log ✨

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨