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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Trending via WeChat:

Your opinions are not my business.

Going viral on Slack:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Just landed via Pinterest:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Spotted on Reddit:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Just landed via Twitch:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

2 months ago

0

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a horoscope when you have accidental lock screen screenshots as your guiding star? 🌟📸 Just when you thought your phone had your back but turns out it's just photobombing your life! 📱😅 #AccidentalScreenshotsStruggles"

accidental, constant, humor, life, lock, lock screen, screen, screenshot, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

0

2 months ago

end, entertainment, getting, humor, i, irony, know, movie, nostalgia, observation, over, people, put, remember, screen, smart, smarter, whole
Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

0

2 months ago

animal, back, caught, feeling, humor, just, lighthearted, miyagi, moth, mr., Mr. Miyagi, nature, outdoor, outside, sent, sent back
Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

0

2 months ago

apple, coder, humor, jobs, just, prompt, steve, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, technology, vibe, wozniak
If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

0

2 months ago

doing, humor, just, love, nonsense, office, relationships, talking, thinking, time, work
One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

0

2 months ago

act, drunk, even, fool, humor, i, me, need, personality, spontaneity, thing
If every day is a gift, today is socks.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily life, day, every, everyday, gift, humor, humor quote, life, sarcasm, socks, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

37 shares on Threads this month:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello.” My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

12 shares on Slack this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish more dumb people were shy.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the hot in psychotic.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Reincarnation, in this economy?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Trending via WeChat:

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

Going viral on Reddit:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Shared recently on Discord:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

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