The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Commentary:
“Life’s full of contradictions! 🌍🦪 When your dreams clash with your allergies, it’s time to embrace the unexpected adventures that come your way! 🤪 #AllergicToSuccessButNotToGoodTimes”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

    Commentary:
    “Setting two alarms is a great plan, unless ‘The Real Me’ decides to hit snooze on both! 🕰️😴 Good intentions vs. reality – the eternal battle of the morning routine! ⏰😂”

  • Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

    Commentary:
    🤣 “Oh sure, your crush is definitely going to leave their spouse for you, just like rainbows are made of cotton candy and unicorns pay taxes! 🌈🦄 That’s how delusions work, my friend. Embrace the fantasy, but maybe keep a grip on reality too!” 😅

  • Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

    Commentary:
    “Living the royal life with that king-sized bed like Rose hogging that door in Titanic! 👑🛏️ Who needs a Jack when you can spread out like a queen! 😂 #queenofmybed #royaltreatment”

  • No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, bumble bee, the original party crasher! 🐝💃 Who knew buzzing could lead to such a chaotic dance-off? Watch out, you might just get stung with compliments next time! 🎶😆 #BeeGoneWild”

  • If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, even in the spooky world of dating ghosts, always show some respect 👻🚫 Unless you’re into haunting relationships, then go ahead and send a ghostly ‘Boo!’ 🎃😄 Just keep it ghostly chic, darling! 💁‍♂️💀”

  • If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a gym when you’ve got a plate full of spicy buffalo wings? 💪🍗 Taking ‘burning calories’ to a whole new level! 🔥😅 #SweatySnacks”