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"Life's full of contradictions! 🌍🦪 When your dreams clash with your allergies, it's time to embrace the unexpected adventures that come your way! 🤪 #AllergicToSuccessButNotToGoodTimes"

allergy, humor, irony, life, limitations, oyster, perspective, shellfish, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

1 month ago

bed, bedroom, boundary, call, clean, clean room, daddy, doing, funny response, humor, i, me, partner, partner teasing, playful, relationship, response, room, stop, teasing
I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

1 month ago

6, away, distance, feet, humor, i, kind, miss, pandemic, people, social, space
Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

1 month ago

advice, baseball, baseball cap, beauty, beauty product, cap, fashion, fashion statement, funny advice, humor, looking, looking young, money, money-saving, product, products, propeller, saving, secret, statement, stop, wasting, wear, young
I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

1 month ago

frustration, humor, i, invoice, management, people, sarcasm, time, time management, wasting, wasting time, wish, work
Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

1 month ago

after, cat, days, easy, humor, pet, relationship, training, wants
Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

1 month ago

adulthood, confusion, humor, i, oh, preschool, school, tell, wait, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

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I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

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When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

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Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

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I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

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Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Going viral on Reddit:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

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The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Miso soup is such a silly name, like “Yes, you so soup.”

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

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The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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