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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,577

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Just landed via TikTok:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Trending via Instagram:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Breaking via Instagram:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Live now on TikTok:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

0
There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Apparently, this person's charm is so powerful that it can induce not just any effect, but migraines! 💁🏻‍♀️💥 Might need to reconsider their flirting techniques…or invest in some extra-strength pain relief! 🤕😂 #PowerfulButPainful"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on YouTube this month:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

49 shares on Slack this month:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,556

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

Going viral on Threads:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Making waves on Reddit:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Spotted on WeChat:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Spotted on Telegram:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Spotted on Reddit:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

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