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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Just shared via X:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Breaking via Instagram:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Making waves on X:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Just shared via TikTok:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Making waves on Reddit:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive 'Nude Jersey' – a hidden gem, known only to the initiated 😏🔍 So that's the secret pronunciation code, huh? Watch out, New Jersey, you're about to get a whole lot more mysterious! 🤫🔮"

humor, Jersey, joke, know, mispronunciation, nude, play, play on words, pronounce, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Instagram this month:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

90 shares on X this month:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

70 shares on X this month:

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

13 shares on X this month:

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Making waves on Telegram:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

Going viral on TikTok:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Shared recently on Discord:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Going viral on WeChat:

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

Trending via Snapchat:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Going viral on TikTok:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Just landed via Instagram:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

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