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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,917

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Making waves on Slack:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Just shared via YouTube:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Breaking via Facebook:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Going viral on Pinterest:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Mother Nature missed the memo on wrinkle-removal services! 🌞😅 Maybe a tropical spa day is in order! 🌴💆‍♂️ #HumidityHavoc

aging, body, heat, humidity, humor, self-deprecation, steam, think, wrinkles

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

1 month ago

awareness, battle, battles, communication, everyone, except, fighting, humor, just, know, neighbor, shut, silence, struggles, talking
I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

1 month ago

chocolate, diet, ever, fitness, food, food humor, health, humor, i, irony, joke, makers, powder, protein, protein powder, think
If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

5 months ago

am, demise, escape, humor, i, plotting, quiet, sarcasm, threat, witty
Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

2 weeks ago

competition, girlfriend, humor, listener, maybe, music, next, relationship, should, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, top, try, wrapped, year
My love language is deader than Latin.

1 month ago

communication, dead, humor, language, Latin, love, love language, relationship
Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

2 months ago

afraid, back, change, childhood, fear, generational, humor, i, internet, parents, technology, today

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Trending via Messenger:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Trending via Facebook:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

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Activity Log ✨

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

My love language is deader than Latin.

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

I probably think this song is about me.

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

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You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

My love language is deader than Latin.

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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