A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

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“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

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Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

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Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

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Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

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Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

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I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

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NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

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“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

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Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

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That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.