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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

“Thatโ€™s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,463

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via WeChat:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Trending via X:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Spotted on WeChat:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Just landed via Instagram:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Breaking via Facebook:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Making waves on TikTok:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Just landed via Reddit:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Broadcasted on Messenger:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic dilemma of silent but deadly versus loud and proud in the house of the Lord! ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ’จ Who knew wooden pews were the ultimate accomplice in amplifying our embarrassments! Remember, a pew is just a bench, but with holy judgment added for extra sass! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ”Š"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. Iโ€™m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

I donโ€™t get involved in anyoneโ€™s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but youโ€™re good at not murdering people?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has shared:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think Iโ€™m some dumb American who doesnโ€™t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Donโ€™t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me outโ€ฆ I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Messenger:

That feeling when itโ€™s Friday, you blink once, and somehow itโ€™s Monday again.

Making waves on Telegram:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says โ€œdo they speak English there?โ€ and his mom says โ€œkinda!โ€

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Live now on WeChat:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Just shared via Discord:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, itโ€™s called playing outside.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The economyโ€™s so tough, people out here eating grass โ€” matcha.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Gotta find someone youโ€™re thermostatically compatible with. You canโ€™t be a 74 dating a 62.

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