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Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

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This book ain’t got no pictures.

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I really donโ€™t believe all of these women are actually named โ€œSassyโ€

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Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

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If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

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I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

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Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

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There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

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It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

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I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids wonโ€™t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

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I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Commentary:
"Forever young at heart, but my joints got the senior discount! ๐Ÿง’๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿง“๐Ÿ˜‚"

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