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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Trending via Slack:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Shared recently on YouTube:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Spotted on Instagram:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Spotted on Instagram:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Spotted on Threads:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Spotted on WeChat:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Making waves on Reddit:

This meeting could have been a cake.

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

3 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Still "selfie-cute," just keeping it under wraps for suspense! 😎📷✨

confidence, cute, humor, i, joke, just, keep, media, selfie, selfie joke, social, social media, still, update, while

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

Going viral on Slack:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Just shared via Reddit:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Shared recently on X:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Just landed via Twitch:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

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I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

According to the web, caffeine deficiency is a life threatening condition for people around you.

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

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I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

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