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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,300

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Just shared via Slack:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Seen just now on Instagram:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Just landed via Discord:

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Live now on Discord:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Breaking via X:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Trending via Threads:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Ah, no wonder some folks confuse touchdowns with treaties! 🏈📜 Who needs a touchdown dance when you can have a historical huddle? 🕰️🏟️ Let's all take a moment to appreciate the importance of a well-rounded education! 📚🌟

coach, education, football, history, humor, lot, misunderstanding, politics, teacher, understand

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Crazy to think the average Zoomer male just works, watches porn, and plays video games. That’s it. That’s their whole life.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Shared recently on Threads:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Going bananas on WeChat:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Live now on Discord:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

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