Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Trending via Threads:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Spotted on Instagram:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Making waves on WeChat:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Netflix & by yourself.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

2 months ago

0

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, no wonder some folks confuse touchdowns with treaties! 🏈📜 Who needs a touchdown dance when you can have a historical huddle? 🕰️🏟️ Let's all take a moment to appreciate the importance of a well-rounded education! 📚🌟

coach, education, football, history, humor, lot, misunderstanding, politics, teacher, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

0

2 months ago

90, cravings, eat, food, humor, hunger, i, start, thoughts
The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

0

2 months ago

80s, audacity, music, nostalgia, oldy, parents, playing, station
How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

0

2 months ago

am, appreciation, confidence, forget, humor, i, life, love, me, positivity, self, self appreciation, self-love, silly
This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

0

2 months ago

best, fun, getting, having, humor, irony, job, leisure, life, me, sarcastic, thing, whole, work
The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

0

2 months ago

conflict, decision, humor, impulse, resolve, something, stupid, stupidity, tendency, tension
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, celery, diet, food, humor, joke, pizza, vegetables, water

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Reddit this month:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

71 shares on X this month:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

81 shares on X this month:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Going bananas on Instagram:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Going viral on Facebook:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Making waves on Threads:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Going viral on Messenger:

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴