Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.
  • French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.
  • That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.
  • I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.
  • I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.
  • Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?