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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Going viral on Messenger:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

Going viral on Telegram:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Going bananas on Slack:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Going viral on Discord:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Spotted on Instagram:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Making waves on Slack:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

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Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.
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Commentary:
"Don't wait around for someone else to rain on your parade 🌧️ Be your own little storm cloud and sprinkle some chaos into your day! ⛈️ Who needs negativity from others when you can create your own special blend of chaos and charm? 😉 #TakeCharge #RuinWithStyle"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on X this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

33 shares on X this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

They expect me to work at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Just shared via Messenger:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Going viral on Threads:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

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