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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,637

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t know why hair extensions are exclusive to women, I want to look like a centaur.

Live now on WeChat:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Shared recently on X:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Just landed via Messenger:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

2 months ago

0

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Don't wait around for someone else to rain on your parade 🌧️ Be your own little storm cloud and sprinkle some chaos into your day! ⛈️ Who needs negativity from others when you can create your own special blend of chaos and charm? 😉 #TakeCharge #RuinWithStyle"

day, humor, let, man, responsibility, ruin, sarcasm, self-deprecation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

0

2 months ago

around, attitude, badass, casual, casual attitude, chewing, confidence, enough, humor, never, self-image, toothpick, toughness, walk
Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

0

2 months ago

activity, aggression, building, face, fun, fun activity, humor, i, playful, playful aggression, punch, snowman, winter
It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

0

7 days ago

boxing, Boxing Day, called, day, eating, holiday, humor, joke, spend
I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

0

3 days ago

age, aging, before, conclusion, conclusions, humor, i, jumping, patience, warm, warm-up, where
The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

0

2 months ago

humor, intimacy, Jaws, movie, relationship, sex, soundtrack, theme
Tested positive for being single af

0

2 months ago

af, dating, humor, positive, relationship, single, single af, status, tested, tested positive

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

27 shares on Discord this month:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

10 shares on X this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,343

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Spotted on WeChat:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Just shared via Telegram:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Trending via X:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

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