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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

4 hours ago

3,457

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Making waves on X:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Making waves on Messenger:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Spotted on Threads:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Making waves on Discord:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

Making waves on YouTube:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Home » Funny Advice Quotes » Page 11

257 Funny advice quotes

More funny advice quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Commentary:
"Your fashion faux pas is as uneven as your hoodie strings! Get it together, fashion police are on patrol! 🚨🧥👮‍♂️ #FashionFail"
6 months ago
Share →: God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Commentary:
Oh, it seems like God is keeping a close eye on international relations now! 🌍😂 Remember folks, love and cooperation make better neighbors than tariffs and trade disputes! 🤝💼 #NeighbourlyLove
6 months ago
Share →: Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Commentary:
"Looking for the lost and found department for 'shit together' items 🤔💩 #LifeGoals #HelpWanted"
6 months ago
Share →: Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Commentary:
"Remember, dirty hair, clean heart! 💁‍♀️✨ Embrace the messy bun and let your inner fabulousness shine through, regardless of what those unruly thoughts may say! 🌟 #BadHairDayConfidence"
6 months ago
Share →: Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Commentary:
"Nothing says 'I have no idea what I'm talking about' quite like adding 'but that's just me' after steering a coworker straight into disaster 🙈💼 #officefails"
6 months ago
Share →: Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Commentary:
"Listen up, you slightly wilted fruit! It's time to hydrate and stand tall like a ripe banana 🍌💦. Let's straighten that back and show the world that you're not slipping away any time soon! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Commentary:
"Starting your sinning journey, huh? 🍷 Let's start with classics like eating the last slice of pizza and not sharing, or binge-watching Netflix instead of being productive. Remember, sinning responsibly is the key! 😈 #SinsForBeginners"
6 months ago
Share →: Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic plea for a balanced lifestyle! Dearest, may your sleep be as deep as your love for memes, and may your walks be as brisk as your scroll through social media! 💤🚶‍♂️"
6 months ago
Share →: If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Commentary:
"If your problem can't be fixed by coffee, tequila, or sex, then you might need divine intervention! 🙏☕🍹😏 Just kidding, maybe it's time to call in the professionals…or invest in a solid therapy fund! 😉 #LifeAdvice"
6 months ago
Share →: The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Commentary:
"Career advice: Work hard now, so LinkedIn can work harder for you later! 🚀💼 #LinkedInEscapePlan"

For even more funny advice quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

4 hours ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Making waves on X:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Trending via LinkedIn:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Live now on Threads:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Just landed via Reddit:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Going viral on Messenger:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

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