Commentary:
🤣 "Told my homie I was 'going through it' and he just said 'go around it'." Sometimes the simplest solutions are the funniest! This friend clearly believes in taking the scenic route to problem-solving. 🛣️😂
335 Funny advice quotes
They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'tallest = truth-teller' strategy. It's a tried and true method in a world full of fibbers! 🤥🤔 Just remember, be sure to check if their stories measure up to the competition! 📏😄"
My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.
Commentary:
"Offering mental health advice when you're one jellybean short of the jar… 🤪🏥 Remember, sometimes laughter is the best therapy! 😂 #FriendshipGoals #AsylumBound"
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.
Commentary:
🤣💸 We all know the struggle of trying to resist the tempting call of Amazon Prime! Who needs food and shelter when you can have another package delivered, right? #RetailTherapy #ByeByeSavings
The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.
Commentary:
Oh, the classic preface to a statement that almost guarantees it'll be taken the wrong way! 🤣 It's like saying "brace yourself for offense!" 😂 "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm about to unintentionally offend you" – works every time! 🤷♂️ #0PercentSuccessRate
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.
Commentary:
"Looks like Germany is really bratwurst-ing in the cheese and sausages department! 🧀🌭 Talk about embracing the Wurst Käse scenario with open arms…or should we say open mouths? 😄 Time to get slicing and dicing those delicious ingredients! Prost! 🇩🇪"
Don’t forget to make everything about you today.
Commentary:
"Ah, the golden rule of self-absorption!🌟 Remember, it's your world, we're all just living in it.💁♂️🌎 #MeMeMe"
I need to consult the woods about this.
Commentary:
🌳🤔 "When you're stuck on a decision, why not seek some advice from the wise old trees? They've been around for ages and have probably seen it all. Plus, they're great listeners – just make sure you're okay with getting sap as a response. Who knows, the answer might just be written in the leaves!" 🍃✨
Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Commentary:
"Ah, yes, living within your means is so last season 💁♀️ Who needs a budget when you have an imagination bursting with creative ways to spend money you don't have? 💸✨ Someone pass the glitter, we're about to DIY our way to financial freedom! 🌈✂️ #ImaginationsUnite"