306 Funny always quotes

• Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

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  7 days ago

  always, app, best, depressed, depression, Funny, health, humor, just, media, mental, mental health, single, social, social media, Twitter

• The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

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  7 days ago

  always, amount, humor, management, people, priority, procrastination, same, time, time management

• I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

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  7 days ago

  always, appliance, beep, before, boss, defiance, humor, i, independence, kitchen, me, microwave, stop

• People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

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  7 days ago

  always, communication, crazy, knowledge, people, perception, read, reading, research, sound, understanding

• January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

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  1 week ago

  1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year

• For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

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  1 week ago

  act, again, always, breakup, contact, final, final act, humor, i, irony, love, memory, never, think

• I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

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  1 week ago

  always, bigger, character, character flaw, eater, flaw, flaws, friends, friendship, humor, i, picky, picky eater, problem, problems

• In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

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  1 week ago

  20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh

• If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

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  1 week ago

  always, construction, hammer, humor, i, joke, left, phrase, pun, say, time, work

• “You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

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  1 week ago

  always, complaint, forbid, girl, God, humor, sleep, sleeping, unconscious, wants

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