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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

47 minutes ago

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Reported on TikTok:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Making waves on YouTube:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Going viral on Discord:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Trending via Instagram:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Home » Funny Availability Quotes

Funny availability quotes

New funny availability quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Commentary:
Oh, the accuracy in this one! 🤣 It's like the universe is playing a cruel joke by making therapy as elusive as finding a unicorn in your backyard. 🦄 Maybe one day we'll have therapy places as commonplace as Starbucks – a latte for you, a session for me! ☕️💆‍♂️ #TherapyGoals
6 months ago
Share →: If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Commentary:
Ah, the kind offer of providing absolutely nothing when you need it the most! 🤣 Just remember, I excel in the art of doing nothing, so count on me for no help at all! 😉 #HelpfulByBeingUseless

For even more funny availability quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny availability quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

47 minutes ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Shared recently on YouTube:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Going viral on Discord:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Reported on LinkedIn:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Spotted on Messenger:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Just shared via Twitch:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Spotted on Messenger:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

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