193 Funny better quotes

• If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

  ---

  6 hours ago

  better, car, date, food, food truck, humor, impress, me, preference, truck, vehicle, want

• Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

  ---

  7 hours ago

  bad, better, consequence, enemy, fine, gamble, humor, irony, just, miss, risk, spear, strategy, throwing, weapon

• To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

  ---

  14 hours ago

  again, apology, better, everyone, humor, i, improvement, next, offended, offense, sarcasm, year

• I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

  ---

  14 hours ago

  alternate, alternate reality, better, comparison, dimension, funny remark, humor, i, liked, personality, reality, remark, version

• If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

  ---

  14 hours ago

  better, chess, conflict, face, game, getting, going, humor, opponent, play, response, sit, strategy, unexpected, unexpected response, violence

• I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

  ---

  17 hours ago

  again, argue, argument, better, comeback, conversation, debate, forget, got, hate, humor, i, material, say, something

• Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

  ---

  18 hours ago

  activity, always, better, Friday, Friday night, fun, fun activity, going, going out, life, night, nightlife, Saturday, Saturday night, social, social life, weekend

• I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

  ---

  18 hours ago

  better, forebear, hate, hearth, holy, holy sun, humor, i, lamp, lighting, mimic, much, overhead, overhead lighting, should, sin, sun, trying

• Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

  ---

  19 hours ago

  better, billionaire, defense, dude, humor, income, irony, making, money, nobody, salary, wealth, worker, year

• Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

  ---

  20 hours ago

  better, encouragement, hope, humor, i, interrupt, interruption, life, media, scrolling, social, social media, sorry

All funny better quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌