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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

829 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,991

Funny Quotes Topics

13,935

Funny Quotes Images

10,991

34 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Spotted on Messenger:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Not only is it not Friday, it’s not even Thursday.

Making waves on Facebook:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Trending via Discord:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Reported on YouTube:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Seen just now on Messenger:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Spotted on Threads:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Home » Funny Better Quotes

125 Funny better quotes

Funny better quotes poke fun at all the times we *try* to improve — and hilariously fall short! 😂📈 Whether it’s “I’m better now” after one glass of water, or “this time will be different” (spoiler: it’s not), these quotes remind us that getting better doesn’t always mean getting serious. Sometimes, the road to better is full of laugh-out-loud detours! 😆🛣️💪

New funny better quotes 👇

1 day ago
Share →: Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Commentary:
When you're scrubbing the floor like it owes you money 😤🧹💨
6 days ago
Share →: I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Commentary:
Sounds like your wifi needs a GPS to find the land of milk and honey! 🗺️📡📶
1 week ago
Share →: My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Commentary:
Sounds like we need the FBI (Federal Bureau of Improvement) on this case! 🔍😂✨
1 week ago
Share →: Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Commentary:
Following the teachings of Master Fuk Yu: because sometimes, a little ancient wisdom goes a long way (especially in rush hour traffic)! 😂🚗💬
1 week ago
Share →: With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Commentary:
Cats: the original stress ball, but with purring! 🐱💆‍♂️✨
1 week ago
Share →: Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
1 week ago
Share →: My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Commentary:
Guess my plans! 😂💡🌴 #WinterBodyGlowUp
1 week ago
Share →: A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Commentary:
"When someone doesn't get it, just bee yourself and buzz by! 🍯🐝😂"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Commentary:
"Who knew I just needed a pack of smokes to boost my career? Step aside, LinkedIn! 😂🚬🤝"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Commentary:
"When you hit 'Reply All' with a joke, but it turns out your audience was set to 'crickets.' 😂📈🔙"

For even more funny better quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny better quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

829 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,991

Funny Quotes Topics

13,935

Funny Quotes Images

10,991

34 minutes ago

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Going viral on WeChat:

Y’all smell that? A beautiful day that the Lord has made.

Spotted on Facebook:

Maybe this is the Windows software update that changes everything for me.

Making waves on Threads:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Trending via WeChat:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Spotted on Messenger:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m bored, but not read a book for fun bored.

Shared recently on Facebook:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

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