The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eyes shining bright like glittering windows to the soul 💫… but oh my! That robust mustache proclaiming 'welcome to the front garden' 🌳… and that big pothole of a mouth crying out for some city council intervention 🚧! A charming mix of character traits indeed! 😄"

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Commentary:
Oh, the mighty comma – the unsung hero of punctuation, master of timing ⏱️, the pause button of written language! Bravo, dear comma, for your subtle yet powerful influence on the flow of words! 😉👏 #CommaMagic

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Commentary:
"If I was a priest, I'd need a confession marathon booth to fully utilize my running skills! 🏃‍♂️🕍 Who says penance can't be a cardio workout? 😉"

I'm not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Commentary:
When this player has a good hand, you can practically see the dollar signs glowing in their eyes! 💰😂 Bet you can always tell when they've got something good up their sleeve – just look for the shimmer of those big money signs! 👀💲#PokerFaceFail

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Commentary:
"Who needs a boring salad when you can have a deluxe sandwich masterpiece topped with Big Mac sauce? 🥗➡️🥪 Now that's how you turn a sad salad into a happy meal! 🤣🍔 #SaladUpgrade #SandwichGoals"

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Commentary:
"Sorry, no camera crew, balloons, or big check? 📷🎈💰 Please let the doorbell rest – it's been through enough drama already! 🚪😄 #NoCheckNoPeek"

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Commentary:
"Who needs family drama and friend antics when you have cake as your soulmate? 🍰👰‍♀️ Just you, your big cake, and maybe a fork for good measure. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too? 😂 #SingleLifeGoals"

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Commentary:
🤣 "I've added lunges to my workout routine. It's a big step forward…literally! Who knew exercising could be so pun-derful? Keep lunging ahead, you're really stepping up your fitness game! 💪🚶‍♂️"

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Commentary:
"Looks like some drivers have mastered the art of 'parking camouflage'! 🚗🦎 Don't worry, we see through your tiny car tricks! 😂 #ParkingWars"