26 Funny bit quotes

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

  Commentary:
  "Finally found my Hogwarts acceptance letter: it's just being loved right! 🧙‍♂️💌✨"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

  Commentary:
  "Just making sure my vocabulary game isn't all smoke and mirrors! 📚🤓😂"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs spa treatments when you can go full throwback! 🎉🍼 #OGGlow"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the mystery tape: it's either a home movie, a forgotten blockbuster, or an intimate encounter with 'The Blob'! 📼🤔🍿"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

  Commentary:
  "Guess even mosquitoes know how to make an impression! 😂🦟💋"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'Invisible Parent Act'—an enduring performance worthy of a standing ovation… from no one. 🎭🙈 #ParentingComedy"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew Teslas were so spontaneous? Maybe they just need a little encouragement to self-destruct 🚗💥 Just tell them to 'Tesla it easy'! ⚡😜"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

  Commentary:
  "Dear thoughts, if you're going to crash at my mental place, could you at least do the dishes and take out the trash? 🗑️🧹 #MindfulLiving"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

  Commentary:
  Adulthood is essentially a never-ending rollercoaster where the promise of relaxation is always just out of reach 🎢😅 It's like chasing after a mirage in the desert, except that mirage is a quiet weekend that never seems to materialize! 🏜️💼 Just keep chasing those elusive moments of peace between meetings and deadlines until the end of time! ⏳😂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

  Commentary:
  "Your honor, my client requests a brief recess to engage in a stimulating game of Candy Crush! 🍭⚖️ Let's admit it, even justice could use a little swipe and tap now and then. #PhoneDefenseWinning"

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