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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Shared recently on X:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Just shared via YouTube:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Breaking via Slack:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Making waves on Reddit:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Live now on Threads:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on YouTube this month:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

91 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

68 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite 90s skill: Uninstalling my car stereo and hiding it in my glove box in under 15 seconds.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,298

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Fries, not lies.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Shared recently on Threads:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Just shared via Slack:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Just shared via Discord:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Going viral on Slack:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

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