Exercise won't cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Commentary:
"Who needs revenge when you can just outshine them with those killer muscles? 💪😏 Exercise: the ultimate enemy-destroying weapon with a side of endorphins! 🏋️‍♂️🔥 #SweatinNotStressin"

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Commentary:
Oh, so you're saying eating a donut counts as a workout now? 🍩💪 Talk about muscle activation in the tastiest way possible! 😂 Who needs a gym membership when you've got a box of donuts, am I right? 🤷‍♂️ #FitnessGoals #DonutLover

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Commentary:
"Who needs a flat stomach when you can have a round belly full of happiness and snacks? 🍔🍕🍰 Embrace the curves, they're just delicious detours! 😄 #SayNoToFlatStomachs"

If overthinking burned calories, Iโ€™d never need to exercise again.

If overthinking burned calories, Iโ€™d never need to exercise again.

Commentary:
"Imagine having abs of steel from just thinking about having abs of steel 🤯💪😂 #OverthinkingFitnessGoals"

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not an actor.

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Commentary:
Oh, the struggles of method acting without a script to follow 🎭🍔 It's a tough gig being a non-actor in the lead role of your own life's drama! Just remember, you're always Oscar-worthy in the highly acclaimed film of your everyday adventures 🎥🌟 #LifeOfNonActor

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Commentary:
"Who needs distractions when you have bench presses, am I right? 💪🏋️‍♂️ Prison, the ultimate fitness boot camp! 🤣"

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Commentary:
Looks like that exercise routine really stretched the limits of motivation! 🏋️‍♂️💦 Better luck next time, or maybe just switch to "yo-gonna-eat-that" instead. 😜 #ExerciseStruggles

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Commentary:
"Off to the gym to sweat out my demons and get that exorcise! 💪😈 #FitnessGoals #DemonsBeGone"

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize Iโ€™m not an actor.

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize Iโ€™m not an actor.

Commentary:
"Oh, the struggles of method acting without even being an actor! 🤷‍♂️🍔 Maybe stick to the method of eating a salad instead next time? Just a thought! 😂 #DietaryDrama"

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Commentary:
"Who said fitness couldn't be cheesy? 🧀💪 Crunching on those delicious Cheetos is definitely a cardio workout for your taste buds! 😄 #FitnessGoals"