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God be like, "Time for your pockets to perform some miracles! 💸✨🙌"
144 Funny God quotes
Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.
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I’ll bring the sacrificial snacks! 🍕😂🔮
Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.
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🤣 I guess I’ve been channeling my inner "weird uncle" all along! 🧔🕺
Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.
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Trying to figure out God's plot twists is seriously scary! 😱🎬👻
If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.
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Unlocking God Mode: now accepting life's glitches with a smirk and a side of popcorn 🍿😄🛠️
God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.
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Kissing: The universal language where no one uses their words but everyone understands the message 😘💋
God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.
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Sounds like someone needs to send God a "Smiting for Dummies" book! 🗡️😂📚
Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’
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When you turn your prayers into 'Find My Device' 😂🙏🎧
The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.
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Looks like even the universe couldn't resist throwing in some buggy DLC! 🤷♂️🦷✨
If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.
Commentary:
Watch out, fellas! If women had venom glands, some of us might not survive a girl's night out! 🐍💄