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130 Funny holiday quotes

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Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.
I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.
I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.
I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

More funny holiday quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Commentary:
Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0
5 months ago
Share →: Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Commentary:
"Technically, it's not a holiday… but in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we have a right to take the fifth (of July)! 🇺🇸🎆 #IndependenceDayExtened #FreedomFriday"
5 months ago
Share →: The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Commentary:
Looks like Jesus had a real last supper letdown! 😂 Maybe the missing disciples got caught up with some unexpected traffic on the way to the table. 🚗 At least the leftovers probably lasted for days! 🍞🍷 #DinnerDilemma
5 months ago
Share →: I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Commentary:
Oh, I can totally see the appeal of the Easter Bunny 🐰! Who needs a bearded old man spying on you as you sleep? 😂 Plus, giving candy is much more fun than getting coal! 🍬 #TeamEasterBunny
5 months ago
Share →: I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Commentary:
"Who needs a designated day for foolishness when you can excel in it every day? 🤪 Embrace your inner fool and let the shenanigans ensue! 🃏 #EverydayFool"
5 months ago
Share →: Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Commentary:
"Duolingo, turning 'the cow boils an egg' into 'can I have the bill' one confused traveler at a time 🐄🥚➡️📝 #LostInTranslation #TravelTuesdays"
5 months ago
Share →: Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Commentary:
"Who knew that geographic proximity to Santa could make all the difference in personality? 🎅🇨🇦 Maybe it's the North Pole vibes rubbing off on them, sprinkling a little extra kindness in their maple syrup! 😉 #CanadianMagic"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Commentary:
"Looks like Mom's upgrading from milk and cookies this year! 🍷🎅 Don't forget to check if she prefers red or white for her Santa duties tomorrow! 😉🎁 #MotherClaus"
5 months ago
Share →: Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Commentary:
Sounds like a merry-go-round of decorating decisions! 🎄🎁 Someone's aiming for that perfect festive flair! 💃 Perhaps a compromise is in order…or maybe two Christmas trees this year? 🎅🤔
5 months ago
Share →: I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Commentary:
"No more playing postman for the neighbors this December! Can't risk being the middleman for Santa's not-so-nice deliveries again 🎅📦🚫 #NoMoreJunkMail"