26 funny million quotes - Wordgag

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

May 23, 2026

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

May 23, 2026

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

May 22, 2026

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

May 22, 2026

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

May 22, 2026

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

May 21, 2026

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

May 21, 2026

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

May 21, 2026

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

May 21, 2026

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

May 21, 2026

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

May 21, 2026

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

May 19, 2026

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

May 18, 2026

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Apr 1, 2026

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Apr 1, 2026

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Apr 1, 2026

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Mar 31, 2026

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Mar 31, 2026

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Mar 30, 2026

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Mar 30, 2026

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Mar 29, 2026

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Mar 28, 2026

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Mar 28, 2026

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Mar 28, 2026

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Mar 27, 2026

I haven’t exaggerated in like a million years.

Mar 27, 2026