714 Funny people quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

  Commentary:
  "Parenting wisdom at its finest! 🤣👪 Reassigning blame like a pro – now that's a life skill worth mastering! 🙌 #ParentingGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the harsh reality of marriage – where the rose-tinted glasses turn into magnifying glasses 🔍! It's like a magical transformation from Prince Charming to Captain Grumpy Pants 🤷‍♂️. Who said 'till death do us part' was going to feel like eternal sunshine? ☀️💍"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

  Commentary:
  Looks like your imaginary friend ghosted you in the most imaginary way possible! 👻📝 Time to find a new pal who will stick with you through thick and thin (or thin air)! 😂

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

  Commentary:
  "Debt collectors really know how to hold a grudge, huh? 😂 It's like they never forget that one time you missed a payment five years ago! 📅💸 Let's hope they have a better memory for their own birthdays! 🎉🤣"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like your wheelchair is not a fan of hitting the road… or people! 🙀🛴 Better watch out for that rampaging wheelchair – it's on a roll! ♿️😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  Commentary:
  "Light travels faster than sound ⚡️… explaining why some folks seem brilliant until they open their mouth! 🤣💡"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ultimate plot twist: not only are there people who don't like me, but I don't even like myself! 🙃 Well, at least I can always count on my own indifference. 😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine the satisfaction of causing traffic jams and slow commutes in your afterlife as a rebellious speed bump! 😈🚗 Just make sure to bring your 'Slow Down' sign to complete the look! 😂 #SpeedBumpRevenge"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, life is too short to chase people who don't make an effort to be in your life. 🕒✂️ Surround yourself with those who value your time like it's a limited edition snack – available for a good time, not a long time! 🍿😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the struggles of misunderstood punctuation! 🤪 Just remember, improper use of periods can lead to some very awkward situations. Let's all strive for better timing, both grammatically and in life! ⏰💬🤣

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