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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Live now on Discord:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Reported on Threads:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Going viral on TikTok:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Shared recently on Discord:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Reported on Discord:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Seen just now on YouTube:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

Home » Funny Picking Up Quotes

Funny picking up quotes

New funny picking up quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of picking up women at the bar, only to be the perfect gentleman and gently set them down afterwards. 🍸💃🧘‍♂️ Talk about the smoothest bar behavior ever! 😄 #gentlemanrules"
6 months ago
Share →: My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Commentary:
Looks like a royal decree for a new way of picking things up! 👑🤣 Who needs a bow when you can gracefully curtsy your way to success? All hail the back-saving curtsy technique! 💁‍♀️ #BowVsCurtsy #RoyalPainInMyBack

For even more funny picking up quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny picking up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

5 hours ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Shared recently on X:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Going viral on Reddit:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Trending via LinkedIn:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Going viral on Messenger:

I need a break from me.

Trending via Facebook:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

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